From Low Self Esteem To Confidence In Christ

“I am a new creation In Christ.” This is just one of the scriptures I used to quote when I first became a Christian. For a long time, It just sounded good. I believed it, but it wasn’t something that felt like it was apart of me. Having a true encounter with Christ that led me to accepting Him as Lord and savior gave me faith in His Word. So I believed what He said about me, but I still had no confidence. Growing up, and even into adulthood, I had confidence issues and low self esteem that resulted in me getting less from life. A lot less than if I had believed in myself. Even after I accepted Christ, I had low confidence. But He began to change me. Slowly. 7 years later, I am still that new creation! But I have visibly changed my attitude, my behavior and habits. Oh, I’m far from perfect. But I have developed a stronger relationship with my creator and I know who I am. I remember a foolish prayer I prayed, earnestly when I was a baby Christian; “Lord, make me perfect right away.” I didn’t realize, at the time that it was foolish. But I earnestly prayed that prayer because I was so aware of my sinful self, in the shadow of His holiness. Though I had been forgiven, I felt dirty. For months. I thank God that I was so aware, though I went through a lot of soul wrestling during that time, because I prayed and sought the Lord like I never had in my life. And that was just the beginning of my journey with Him. 7 years later, I still feel like I’m at the beginning of my journey with the Lord, but have made some leeway. I thank God that for the miracles He has done in my heart, in my family and in my life in general… I remember being scared of everything, growing up. I was sheltered, I had a fear of the world outside of home, church and school. And oh, I hated school. That was where all of the kids were who had been exposed to the outside world. I was painfully shy, self-concious, and just fearful. Always one of the “outcasts”, I guess you could say I was one of the weird kids. ‘Cause I didn’t fit into any of the cliques. Not only did I have these problems, but I also started to have emotional problems as a teen, and my bipolar disorder showed up. I can truly say, I don’t know where I would be without the Lord. Today, I still seek to build my confidence in Him even more! But I see Him with my heart and I don’t ever want to let Him go. I know I have a ways to go. I’m only in my mid 30’s, so I have my life ahead of me! “He has made everything beautiful in its time. – He has also set eternity in the human heart; Yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11.

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